How to Recognize the 4 Fs in Coaching Sessions

The Body Knows: A Three-Part Series on Trauma-Informed Coaching

Coaching isn’t just a conversation—it’s a nervous system encounter. This three-part series explores what happens when safety and presence become central to the work: how trauma shows up, how we might respond, and how healing begins in the pause.

This is Part 2 exploring the nervous system, trauma responses, and practical tools for creating safer spaces.

What Is a Trauma Response, Really?

A trauma response is a nervous system adaptation. These responses are automatic when the body perceives a threat, even when there’s no visible danger. The body remembers (there’s a whole book on this — The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk). We, as humans, are not consciously aware of our reactions. Our bodies, brilliantly and unconsciously, try to protect us. Just like our heart pumps and lungs breathe without effort, our nervous system activates when it senses a threat.

Sometimes, the threat is obvious, such as a car swerving toward us or yelling in a dark alley. Other times, it’s more subtle, such as a tone of voice, a feeling of being judged, or a question that sounds too close to past pain. These moments often go unnoticed, unless we know what to look for.

What Trauma Responses Look Like in Coaching

These Aren’t Personality Traits. They’re Protection.

When a client is experiencing a trauma response, it may look like:

Shifting energy: fidgeting, rocking, sudden stillness, swallowing frequently

Cognitive confusion: delayed responses, checked-out demeanor

Emotional intensity: agitation, defensiveness, over-agreeing

Without awareness, it's easy to mislabel this behavior as “resistant,” “difficult,” or “attention-seeking.” But none of this is intentional. These are survival responses, not conscious choices.

As a coach, it's not your job to fix or diagnose. Nor to analyze or interpret. It’s your job to notice, stay grounded, and co-create safety. It's to understand the logic of the body and support the conditions for safety. 

Meet the Four Fs: Fight, Flight, Freeze, Fawn

Or as I like to call them: the other F words.

The autonomic nervous system is the body’s built-in surveillance system. It constantly scans for cues of safety or danger.

When a threat is sensed—real or perceived—it activates the sympathetic nervous system, which prepares the body to act. This is where the Four Fs come in: fight, flight, freeze, or fawn. These responses can be fluid. Someone might start in Fight, shift to Freeze, and end in Fawn, all in one session. Here’s how they might show up in coaching:

Fight:  The impulse to confront or defend may look like:

• The client becomes defensive when asked a probing question
• They challenge or argue with your reflections
• They redirect blame (“My boss is the problem!”)
• They may dominate the session intellectually, trying to ‘win’ the conversation
• They steer the session away from reflection
• They use sarcasm or humor to deflect vulnerability

Flight: The urge to avoid or escape may look like:

• The client avoids topics or constantly changes the subject
• They cancel sessions or show up inconsistently
• They become “too busy” for coaching or actions
• They over-intellectualize or talk in circles
• They’re overly agreeable to move the session along
• They bring in abstract or spiritual ideas to bypass the emotional work

Freeze: The body shuts down or goes still may look like:

• The client goes blank or repeatedly says, “I don’t know”
• Their body or voice becomes flat, stiff, or checked out
• They stick to surface-level insights
• They agree without true engagement
• They appear overwhelmed or mentally foggy

Fawn: The instinct to please and stay safe may look like:

• Over-agreeing with everything you say
• Prioritizing others’ needs over their own
• Reflexively apologizing for being “too much”
• Seeking your validation constantly
• Changing their answers based on your reactions
  
  

These are not intentional reactions or behaviors. Clients may not even realize they’re doing them. The nervous system is scanning for safety and responding accordingly.

Without awareness, we may misinterpret survival as sabotage.

Remember: these are not boxes to sort clients into—but lenses to notice patterns of protection. A client might shift between them, even within a single session.

Recognize without pathologizing

When we recognize these patterns with compassion, we stop pathologizing and start partnering. Sometimes, a client’s trauma response can activate our own. If a client is pushing back (Fight), we might feel defensive. If a client is stuck (Freeze), we might feel impatient. This doesn’t mean we’re failing—it means we need our own regulation, too. Safety is co-created.

What do you do when you notice it so you can feel more anchored? 

• Fight – If a client is in Fight, it might help to ground yourself first. Validate their experience before redirecting. Avoid challenging them head-on.
  
  
• Flight – Name the distraction softly. Invite slowing down. Flight often needs gentle containment, not more questions.
  
  
• Freeze – Lower your voice. Soften your body language. Give space for silence without pressure.
  
  
• Fawn – Reassure the client that they don’t need to please you. Normalize disagreement. Gently return to their voice, their wants, their needs.
  
  

You’re not treating trauma, you’re responding with care. You don’t need to know exactly what to say. Sometimes, a deep breath, a slower pace, or a grounding hand on your own chest can do more than words.

A Liminal Pause

Here are some questions to reflect on. You might journal your responses, discuss them with fellow coaches, or even explore them with clients.

What parts of my clients’ behavior might be trauma responses in disguise?

What response do I notice in myself when I feel confused, dismissed, or disconnected in session?

What response do I notice in myself when I feel overwhelmed as a coach? 

How might my own nervous system state be shaping the coaching container?

Let these reflections guide not just your understanding, but your presence. The more resourced you are, the safer your clients will feel.

Want to stay with the liminal a little longer? Next week, in the final installment, we’ll explore practical tools for trauma-informed coaching—not to fix or diagnose, but to co-create safety. We’ll talk about what it means to hold space when the nervous system is speaking, how to slow down instead of push through, and why your own regulation might be the most important tool in the room.